So.. today I found out that my buddy and bass partner killed himself last night. The teachers told us after lunch and at first I couldn't believe it, then i started crying. They had couciling for those who needed it and damn did I need it. When I was Leaving I couldn't breath and I couldn't even stand. I had to have someone carry me out to where the councilors were and I almost passed out. I'm better now but now i just feel heavy. He hadn't been in orchestra for the last two days though i saw him at school yesterday. Our last conversation consisted of us just saying "hey". today, before i found out the same thought of "I'm going to be the only bassest for the rest of the year" kept occuring. well now i know why. 
