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I think I need like... moral support. Or a swift kick in the butt.

I really need to start exercising. I find any kind of really cardiovascular exercise difficult, because I have exercise induced asthma and it scares me when I can't breathe. This unfortunately seems to happen whenever I try anything cardiovascular.

I know I am being a pansy. I tried running all of once, and gave up because it was cold and I couldn't breathe and my lungs hurt so bad and my mouth tasted like blood and I just felt awful. I used to get all cardiovascularly worked out with show choir. I danced every day, and it wasn't easy, either, because we sang at the same time. For some reason, my asthma never bothered me then. I almost wonder if it was because I was distracted, and maybe this is a mental thing.

I guess... I always defeat myself before I start. It's like I need to hear, "I promise you can do it," and also, "Stop being an idiot and get to it, now." I have to prove to myself that I can do things. I used to love running. I'd sprint as fast as I could go, and I was pretty fast sometimes. But I got pneumonia when I was... I don't remember. Probably 5th grade. I've found it harder to really exert myself since then, because that's when I remember my asthma kind of came back and started being a pain in the butt.

I was supposed to go swimming tomorrow morning but decided against it. It got later than I wanted it, and I'm much more fond of sleep than of getting up early to go swim for 45 minutes before class.

Maybe I just need moral support. Surely someone has been in this position before? I feel like such a weak-willed idiot.