Hey everyone...some of you new folks may not know me, and I don't often post in this forum anyway, but things being as they are I felt the need to jot a few things down.
I see so many posts these days about people hurting. People who aren't understood in school. People who have family problems. People who are looking for others to relate to. And occasionally people who have decided that the worst is already here and are contemplating self-harm or self-destruction.
And this Guild is a great place if you're hurting. We have so many supportive people here that it's hard to be down for too long. And that's a good thing!
But my friends, there comes a time that the Gryphon Guild is not the place you need to turn to for help.
I'm 25 years of age--old for your average Guilder--and I've been through a lot. Unrequited love, bad grades, unsupportive parents, lack of friends, fights with teachers over my "attitude" and refusal to conform to the "in" crowd. Religious clashes, serious medical problems, self-esteem issues. And there was a time that I, like many of you, believed that I was so different from my peers that my soul must not even be human.
My high school years, as many of you are finding, were times that I really had no one to turn to, no one to talk to about the things that were happening to me. I only had myself.
A few weeks before I graduated from high school, I remember writing something in my diary: I swore never to forget how difficult the last four years had been for me, because it always upset me to no end that those around me--parents, teachers, even older friends--would always dismiss my problems with the equivalent of, "Oh, you'll grow out of it."
A few years later, though, I realized one very important detail:
My parents were right.
Not only were they right, they were right about pretty much everything. The hormones, the frivolities of this or that homecoming dance, the true intentions of That Guy I Was Dating, everything. And yes, they were right about growing out of it too.
Why am I bothering to write this?
Well, it's because I'm really concerned with the growing number of posts from Guilders saying that they want to hurt or kill themselves. There have even been a few where the poster admits that they're not particularly depressed--they just don't see any reason to continue life.
GUYS. THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF!
It's normal to feel cruddy. It's normal to feel REALLY cruddy. It's normal to feel so cruddy that all you want to do is yell out your feelings to the rest of the world and hope someone will reply back just to tell you they care, because you NEED that caring more than anything else.
And that's what this forum is for.
And you know what, it's even perfectly normal to feel so cruddy that suicide or self-mutilation may seem like a viable option.
However.
If you truly are contemplating harming yourself in any way, then PLEASE seek PROFESSIONAL help, because counseling suicidal teens is not what this forum is for.
We are your friends, your allies, and in some cases, siblings of your soul. But we're not doctors, we're not therapists, and we can't solve your problems for you. We'd like to, of course, but we can't, and it only hurts us more to hear about how much our friends are hurting and contemplating hurting themselves more...
So yeah. If it's that serious, PLEASE tell someone in a position of authority. Your parents, a teacher, a priest/ess or rabbi, a doctor, a cop. It may not seem so at the time, but they will be able to help you MUCH better than some nameless entity over the internet--although friends are always good to have, there are some people out there whose job it is to help you feel the best about yourself you possibly can. In a situation as serious as contemplating suicide, they are the people you need to turn to, and let your friends (whether online or off) take the job of supporting you and loving you through thick and thin. They're your friends and will do that for you...but please be careful that by your requests for help you aren't unconsciously asking for the impossible.
...
That said: hang in there, all you Guilders and Guildettes. *grin* One of the first things I learned after leaving high school was that without exception every single one of the earth-shattering problems I encountered in my teenage years resolved itself with the simple passage of time, whether I expended energy worrying about it or not. I know it's nigh-impossible to believe right now, I know, your case is special and I don't know the exact situation you're going through, therefore I don't know why your problem is harder to deal with than mine were. I'm just sharing something that I learned in a few decades of on-the-job training in the game of Life: nothing much really matters in the long run, as long as you're okay with yourself. (And this isn't as hard as it seems: If you're having trouble with this, refer to the first part of my post, and don't panic). When all's said and done, this grand and beautiful Guild that's become your second (or first!) home is nothing more than a group of caring souls taking up virtual space in a technologically advanced hunk of metal and plastic thousands of miles away. None of this is real--at least, real in the sense that your math assignment due tomorrow is real. But the reason communities like this make you feel so welcome and belong has nothing to do with its theme (gryphons), presence on the internet, or some ultra-secret mission statement the admins follow and enforce to keep the "energy level" optimal (or something equally silly). No, the Guild is your home because it is made up of people who, like you, exist (for better or worse) in the real world just like you. People who care. And next time you're convinced that there's no one in The Offline World who understands you, remember that each Guilder you know and love is also a person in The Offline World...and where there's one person who cares, there are always more. That's part of what makes life so wonderful.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is that the Internet, wonderful as it is for finding kindred spirits, is not the be-all end-all of social interaction. It's hard for our generation to imagine what we did for friends before the internet, because most of us are too young to remember what there was before the internet (wow! After 10 years of being online and remembering life before modems, that was pretty hard to say without feeling ANCIENT)! But trust me here--whether you live in a one-horse village or a major metropolitan area, you will always have the option to step away from the computer (even if it's just for a few hours) and live a life apart from your internet connection.
And this may sound presumptuous coming as it is from a cantankerous, self-important twentysomething such as Harlequin, but trust me on this: It's IMPORTANT that you socialize offline as well as online. I'll freely admit that occasionally I have to restrict my online activities for days at a time because the things I'm reading or writing are interfering with my ability to be happy. And if I'm not looking out for myself, I can hardly expect anyone else to. I would encourage others to do the same.
I see so many posts these days about people hurting. People who aren't understood in school. People who have family problems. People who are looking for others to relate to. And occasionally people who have decided that the worst is already here and are contemplating self-harm or self-destruction.
And this Guild is a great place if you're hurting. We have so many supportive people here that it's hard to be down for too long. And that's a good thing!
But my friends, there comes a time that the Gryphon Guild is not the place you need to turn to for help.
I'm 25 years of age--old for your average Guilder--and I've been through a lot. Unrequited love, bad grades, unsupportive parents, lack of friends, fights with teachers over my "attitude" and refusal to conform to the "in" crowd. Religious clashes, serious medical problems, self-esteem issues. And there was a time that I, like many of you, believed that I was so different from my peers that my soul must not even be human.
My high school years, as many of you are finding, were times that I really had no one to turn to, no one to talk to about the things that were happening to me. I only had myself.
A few weeks before I graduated from high school, I remember writing something in my diary: I swore never to forget how difficult the last four years had been for me, because it always upset me to no end that those around me--parents, teachers, even older friends--would always dismiss my problems with the equivalent of, "Oh, you'll grow out of it."
A few years later, though, I realized one very important detail:
My parents were right.
Not only were they right, they were right about pretty much everything. The hormones, the frivolities of this or that homecoming dance, the true intentions of That Guy I Was Dating, everything. And yes, they were right about growing out of it too.
Why am I bothering to write this?
Well, it's because I'm really concerned with the growing number of posts from Guilders saying that they want to hurt or kill themselves. There have even been a few where the poster admits that they're not particularly depressed--they just don't see any reason to continue life.
GUYS. THIS IS SERIOUS STUFF!
It's normal to feel cruddy. It's normal to feel REALLY cruddy. It's normal to feel so cruddy that all you want to do is yell out your feelings to the rest of the world and hope someone will reply back just to tell you they care, because you NEED that caring more than anything else.
And that's what this forum is for.
And you know what, it's even perfectly normal to feel so cruddy that suicide or self-mutilation may seem like a viable option.
However.
If you truly are contemplating harming yourself in any way, then PLEASE seek PROFESSIONAL help, because counseling suicidal teens is not what this forum is for.
We are your friends, your allies, and in some cases, siblings of your soul. But we're not doctors, we're not therapists, and we can't solve your problems for you. We'd like to, of course, but we can't, and it only hurts us more to hear about how much our friends are hurting and contemplating hurting themselves more...
So yeah. If it's that serious, PLEASE tell someone in a position of authority. Your parents, a teacher, a priest/ess or rabbi, a doctor, a cop. It may not seem so at the time, but they will be able to help you MUCH better than some nameless entity over the internet--although friends are always good to have, there are some people out there whose job it is to help you feel the best about yourself you possibly can. In a situation as serious as contemplating suicide, they are the people you need to turn to, and let your friends (whether online or off) take the job of supporting you and loving you through thick and thin. They're your friends and will do that for you...but please be careful that by your requests for help you aren't unconsciously asking for the impossible.
...
That said: hang in there, all you Guilders and Guildettes. *grin* One of the first things I learned after leaving high school was that without exception every single one of the earth-shattering problems I encountered in my teenage years resolved itself with the simple passage of time, whether I expended energy worrying about it or not. I know it's nigh-impossible to believe right now, I know, your case is special and I don't know the exact situation you're going through, therefore I don't know why your problem is harder to deal with than mine were. I'm just sharing something that I learned in a few decades of on-the-job training in the game of Life: nothing much really matters in the long run, as long as you're okay with yourself. (And this isn't as hard as it seems: If you're having trouble with this, refer to the first part of my post, and don't panic). When all's said and done, this grand and beautiful Guild that's become your second (or first!) home is nothing more than a group of caring souls taking up virtual space in a technologically advanced hunk of metal and plastic thousands of miles away. None of this is real--at least, real in the sense that your math assignment due tomorrow is real. But the reason communities like this make you feel so welcome and belong has nothing to do with its theme (gryphons), presence on the internet, or some ultra-secret mission statement the admins follow and enforce to keep the "energy level" optimal (or something equally silly). No, the Guild is your home because it is made up of people who, like you, exist (for better or worse) in the real world just like you. People who care. And next time you're convinced that there's no one in The Offline World who understands you, remember that each Guilder you know and love is also a person in The Offline World...and where there's one person who cares, there are always more. That's part of what makes life so wonderful.
I guess what I'm trying to get across is that the Internet, wonderful as it is for finding kindred spirits, is not the be-all end-all of social interaction. It's hard for our generation to imagine what we did for friends before the internet, because most of us are too young to remember what there was before the internet (wow! After 10 years of being online and remembering life before modems, that was pretty hard to say without feeling ANCIENT)! But trust me here--whether you live in a one-horse village or a major metropolitan area, you will always have the option to step away from the computer (even if it's just for a few hours) and live a life apart from your internet connection.
And this may sound presumptuous coming as it is from a cantankerous, self-important twentysomething such as Harlequin, but trust me on this: It's IMPORTANT that you socialize offline as well as online. I'll freely admit that occasionally I have to restrict my online activities for days at a time because the things I'm reading or writing are interfering with my ability to be happy. And if I'm not looking out for myself, I can hardly expect anyone else to. I would encourage others to do the same.
Lagartixa Harlequin
Art dork. Devil's advocate. Human. Let the buyer beware.
Art dork. Devil's advocate. Human. Let the buyer beware.
**shudders** My mother commited suicide when I was five months old and, living in a tiny town, every kid knew what my mom did and I LITTERALLY had no friends, except the few who moved into town and back out fast. 
